How does one "Be original."

I'm always striving to be what I'm not.

Take this blog title, for instance. I love this quote and identify myself by it. But it's not because I'm all about being myself and being original. It's because that's what want to be. Being original seems somewhat paradoxical or ironic. How can a person be "original" when we are influenced by everything and everyone around us? What if my original self is exactly like someone else? Would it still be considered original?

I'm going to do an experiment to see what my "original" is. I'm going to do things I want to do. And nothing else. If someone wants me to go somewhere that I really don't want to go, I won't go. If someone is wanting me to do something I don't want to do, I won't do it.I like to picture myself doing different things. And often I picture myself as Gwyneth Paltrow (as Hannah, in Sliding Doors). Who knows why this is? All I know is, it's probably not a good practice to keep if I'm want to figure out who I really am.

Oh the fear of such things...

I love it when life is sad, but hopeful. Actually - I don't love it - I appreciate it. I would much rather not be sad; but sometimes you don't control your own circumstances. Sometimes you do.

It's like when you get broken up with, and it feels like no one else could replace that person in your life. You know that there is someone out there for you that will be just as good, if not better with you than that other person.


Or like when you move away from all your friends and family for a new beginning. You long for the familiarity and comfort of home, but you wouldn't trade your new found life and experiences for the world.

I think I like this feeling so much that I create it in my life. Like, I'm not just happy being happy. I crave change. And - the next best thing to being happy - is being almost happy.

Why do I do this?